When you least expect it, something in your life happens and it takes a turn... yea ok so its good coz you need suspense in life.. but what if the turn is so shocking that your mind does not have the time to come up with a counter active plan???????? It always happens.. yet somehow.. we, or should i say I .. dont learn! Call me a bad student wen it comes to the teachings of life!!
Being the only child, i have and still do give utmost important to friends... and always felt.. i was doing the right thing.. till about a few months back...( for those of you hoping for a nerve racking story.. no nothing MAJOR happened... just incidents here and there that made me feel.... family comes first... :) )Yes, thats one of the teachings of life, ive actually engraved in ma brain. However close you are to someone, however family-like they tend to be... the truth is.. they are NOT family! At the end of the day, mom n dad and their love and concern outbeat the rest of the world. Late but still.. better late than never to understand that. Sometimes friends can influence you... when you dont even realize it.. and suddenly one fine morning... you feel so different from the real person that you are. You tend to go with the flow.. forgetting that there may be no control on the flow. Its such a high to flow down a waterfall... as soon as you realize that the flow is too fast for you.. its too late and you dont have control on your movement!!!
The past few months ive been feeling... different.. different from the real me. I know life's taken a fast pace but ive lost control.. and i admit to having lost control. The good thing is... im still at the stage where the flow is manageable and so i can swim towards the shore and save myself from drowning. The sad bit is... it took me quite sometime to realize that i was loosing myself. It took me time to understand that i had been in wrong waters... it took me time to understand that im different to the people around me.. and in order to stand out.. i didnt need to go along with them.. i just needed to be myself...
its soo hard and honestly is very hard... to carve your own niche in today's world. you gotta either go with the flow.. or have the courage to face whatever comes your way. 90% of thepeople..( statistics are unknown) tend to chose the easier way out and go with the flow... coz they are easily accepted into the society. The 10% that have the courage to keep their thoguhts, ideas, values, morals intact.. face the bombardment of trouble bullets.. yet tend to survive on firm grounds... weak fall... strong stand out winnerz! the choice is to be made.. a self made choice.. for which we need to take responsibility. Here, i do... take complete responsibility for fallin trap to the swirling winds of wrongdoing/wrong thinking.
An arm's length principle needs to be used in life... with relationships... or so i belive... keep every one .. at an arm's length ... do not let them enter that personal bubble of yours.. however tempted you may feel to bring them close to you. Whatever happens, let the insticntive feeling pass.... it wud do you good if you just control that feeling and let is go. Soon you will realize how easy it is to live a life......... sans unnecessary attachment.
Yes, ive come to abhor attachments of any sort... whether its family ( minus mom n dad) ... or friends.. or acquaintances... its soo nerve racking... and at the end of the day.. it hurts.. it hurts to let one person get into your personal bubble, hoping they would respect that decision of yours.. and value your judgement of doing so. Its such sadistic behaviour,coz you know it will hurt, yet you do it!!! Now if that aint sadistic behaviour..what is?
By knowing a person for years on end.. does it mean you really know them? Ive come to find out that by having a person in your life for a long time , need not mean, you know the person ....... sometimes.. people who have been in your life... for a short time span.. tend to understand you more than those that have been with for donkeyz years! :)
Human relationships are so wierd.. they have such a significant start.... but many relationships do not have a clear end.... they just linger.. till soemthing happens... displacement of feelings location change/marriage/death/work/ u name it... something significant to lose touch. These days that's harder since we can constantly keep in touch due to the various telecommunication systems... !
Im at an age where the eternal nightmare is that one big question of... MARRIAGE... why is it such an issue? I shiver when i think of it... once upon a time i used to imagine marriage with rose tinted glasses... now ................. nightmare is an understatment of describing the thought. I do not mind marriage... maybe sometime in my life.. but Now.. is just not right in my head. Especially knowing i do not have that Special person that i want to really spend my life with. Should i settle with someone becasue he is better than the worst i can get? What if i get hitched to a completely wrong person? Yes divorce exists... but i want the ever lasting one.. not the ....... divorce one! It is a true blessing to get married to the person you love and who loves u ( hoping its just one person! :)) its a blessing to marry that person who has seen you thru the ups and downs... the person who has been with you thru thick and thin. It sure is a great feeling ( or so i blive.. ) but what if that person is not perfect in other people's eyez? you may ask, why should it bother others? its you who needs to live with the other person............ but thats how it works.. society rules... even in such a forward world... society dictates terms and conditions of good and bad/ right and wrong. Does it really make sense to marry someone you hardly know? Then again i feel... love marriages do not last as long as arranged marriages... coz you already know the person for long!
Love marriage: you know the person for long... by the time you get married.. uve already spent the initial days of knowing this person.. after marriage.. ur living it... there's no spark as such to ignite more fire... or mayb there is?? inital excitement ... not much... few years.. baby born... father mommy job... and so goes the story.
Arranged marriage: hardly know the person.. takes about 3 years to know the person creating sparks left right and center... by then the child is born.. and you're busy doing the mother and father job... and so goes life..
Just a thought... not a rule! so.... which is better? which is safer? what if you do not find that perfect person to love? Should you wait around? or should you abide and go for arranged marriages?
For ever still.. the question lingers... mayb none will ever come up with a solution to marriage... ( yes it is an unanswereable puzzle of life!) and so i give up trying to depuzzle it! All i know is... my age is scaring me............ its like my life is sittin at the edge of a cliff.. one wrong move... and thats it!
But i have hope... hope that if life makes a bad turn, it balances out by making a good turn giving us a joyride for a while! and so i wait... patiently... geared up for my joyride! :)
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2 comments:
Being yourself always works best and it leaves you at peace with yourself. The people who accept you as yourself are your true friends and in certain cases true life partners. A guy and girl love each other and get married but if either one changed oneself just to be accepted by the other, there's trouble in the horizon. Marriage is built on love, sacrifice, acceptance, forgiveness, patience and the most important underlying foundation being your parents blessings. Accept each other, both positive and negative, as your parents also would have to accept this new person in your life and they would be more tensed than you at that point.
And remember, never go against the flow of life because in the end you'll end up drained out. Life's been designed by the Person upstairs and if no one has figured Him out then it is impossible to figure life out.
Well said... well written.. :) Thank you.. for your comments!
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